Sunday, April 23, 2006

Ego or Spirit........Ego or Spirit.......Ego or........

Tough choices we have to make with every waking hour. At least for me, it's a daily struggle. I recently picked up another book in attempt to get back on track. Its been months since I've been inspired to do anything, let alone read. The more I read and find out about myself, spirit and ego, the more I learn some really interesting things. Actually, I'm not sure if it's interesting or devestating. Let me explain.

Ego is the side of me that wants money, fame, material things. Not that any of these things are bad, it's just that when I'm seeking these things I think of nothing else. Spirit side is the part that desires to read fulfilling things, and seek a higher level of understanding. That's where the conflict comes in. I almost feel as though I may lose something if I get rid of the ego side. I know deep within that living this spiritual path is what I want. But then it dawns on me, that a very big part of me likes what the ego has to offer. Quite frustrating when you think about it. Smoking is the perfect example. I don't exactly like it. It makes me feel like shit. But then the ego jumps in and tells me that I do enjoy it. What will I do when I'm drinking my coffee? Coffee without a smoke? That's just insane. Spirit says quite worrying about myself and seek to help others. Then the ego stomps on that and tells me how much "I" want things. I want this, I need that. What will I do? Blah blah blah. I hate it. I feel like the very few friends that I do have will cease to exist once I step on to that spiritual path. Which may be true, but the univerese has a way of providing what we need if we are doing right by others. Quite frustrating indeed.

I try to rationalize and find a middle ground. But there just isn't one. There is no gray area between Ego and Spirit. Dark and light. Nothing else can exist. The time is coming real soon where I must make a choice. Either live a selfish, self-involved life. Or get out of the way, do things for others, and live that path. I know which I want to choose, deep down inside. The question is, however, wiil I? Change is a scary thing. I'm not sure anyone likes it when they don't know the exact outcome. I guess that's where faith in Spirit must come in. Spirit and inspiration must guide me when I can't see through that darkness.

Today, right now, I am choosing to live that path. Let go of the self-driven Ego and take in and embrace my spirit, our spirit, the spirit of the one entity we all truly exist in. Living on an altruistic plane of existence is what I like to call it. I feel I'll be here more often writing about these things. Sharing it with any lonely soul seeking these words. If you need it, you've probably stumbled into it. And not by accident. Things come to us when were ready for them. The only thing left to wonder is will we be in that right place at that right time, aware enough to see the oportunity when it presents itself? I don't want to die wondering what could have been. Or what I may have done if. It's not going to happen. I'm choosing to dwell in this altrustic plane of existence. I'm willing to risk anything to regain some sanity as well as spiritual enlightenment. Today my Spirit is giving me no choice. Where do you stand? Are you seeking this too? I'm not going to die trying, but live doing. I'm done. Thankyou all so very much for your time, and if you're reading this, your willingness to let these words possibly be of some service to you.

3 Comments:

Blogger Another Point of You... said...

Don't know if I've ever told you this - but you're a very good writer.

There's a lot of honesty in your words - the mark of a genuine seeker...and a loving finder.

"I'm not going to die trying, but live doing" - I quite resonated with this statement.

Synchronistically (not that that's any real surprise), your thoughts have, in a way, reflected my own - and what I myself am currently going through.

I don't have any 'answers' myself (I think once you arrive at an 'answer' per se - Life grounds itself to a halt, and that state of evolving flux is thus lost...).

The paradox of Life in this realm is that it consists of infinite questions...with no real answers (save for those one assigns personal meaning to).

At the moment, I'm immersing myself in Jungian (analytical/transpersonal) psychology, and I'm finding it to be rather enlightening.

Ego; Spirit; Persona; Projections; Archetypes; The Collective Unconscious; Anima/Animus; The Shadow/'Shining' Self; Individuation; Introvert/Extrovert; Dreams; Synchronicity...Jung covered it all (he even coined many of these words after breaking away from Freud).

I've come to see what aspects of myself (shadow sides) I may project onto others (same applies for the parts of my Self I adore also). Those I may still find myself judging, are those parts of my Self still buried (repressed, denied, ignored, etc), and in order to see them, I thus project them out onto others (so I can consciously see what aspects need to be healed & unconditionally loved within my Self). It's at this point that my 'outer' will then mirror my 'inner' state of being (Whole)... Funny little beings we are.

Jung goes onto explain that the persona (Latin for 'mask'), or Ego is that tool we use in this realm in order to interact with 'others' - and therein lies the rub. The mere act of perceiving 'Others' perpetuates the belief in separation (or that we're all separate from ONE another) - 'what's mine is mine, what's yours is yours'. The Ego is thus a product of the very realm it has itself created. Like a road laid down because the vehicle requires it.

But the 'driver' of that vehicle is Spirit. And the great cosmic trick is that that Spirit is infinite, boundless, omnipresent and eternal - 'driving' all vehicles simultaneously...

We are not our 'vehicles'...The ONE (Being many) is merely 'driving' them (all).

When I 'fall in love' - am I simply projecting onto another (another 'face' of OURS), that which I've forgotten in myself? In fact, recently I have 'fallen in love' but I see now it was a futile exercise doomed to failure because all I was doing was projecting outside of myself, my own forgotten sense of innocence, unbridled ambition and the archetypal symbol of 'eternal youth'.

This person represented all of that to me, and 'through' them, I yearned to encompass what they symbolised. I didn't see them as Whole unto themselves. I just used them as a mirror...in the process forgetting who they were intrinsically underneath that 'mask' I had imposed on them.

When I 'real-eyes-ed' what I had been doing, I fell out of love, and just BECAME Love (at the same time healing that which I had 'thrown out' of my Self)

Now I just appreciate and love without condition this person, and their own unique individuation process (the act of Re-Membering, or unifying, all of one's seemingly fragmented parts).

This varied realm exists to show The ONE its own many varied aspects - Spirit meeting itself by hiding Its Self behind billions of masks. The Earth as one huge masquerade ball? This is one party I AM sure...we'll never forget.

Archetypes : The Wise One; The Trickster/Fool; The Goddess; The Hero; The Divine Child; The Chaotic One (or s/he who seeks to upset the peace of the Whole in harmony)...these are all to be found within the collective unconscious, and in order to own them, we individually & collectively, sometimes need to manifest them out (into the world of form & matter) in order to see what had been previously buried deep within our own psyche or unconsciousness.

UFOs are one of the many newer Archetypes (Carl Gustav Jung's 'UFOs' is a great book on this subject) - symbolising to humanity our own emmerging cosmic citizenship, our burgeoning technology and our extraordinary capabilities and potential. 'They' are like a face (of ourselves) still waiting in the darkness of deep space (akin to our own dark sub/unconsciousness).

Whether they are 'real' or not is irrelevant. That we have created this mythology is what's telling.

As is the case with everything in Life. The Ego takes it all literally (thus tricking & trapping itself into a dream). Spirit knows it's all Maya (a creation of its own imagination or Mind). As such, Spirit is always Awake (or lucid) within its own Self-created Dream. But where it has over-identified Itself with its masks...it has fallen back asleep.

The current world is Symbolism in motion (form & matter). Behind every symbol and mask however...

Well, deep down inside (& bubbling up into the Light of consciousness)...we all know the many questions...but do we all know we ARE the everchanging & always-evolving 'answer'?

Oh geez - there I've done it again...totally gone off on several tangents all at once. Again, Thank You for planting seeds into my Being. If it wasn't for the seeds you placed there, I wouldn't have anything to water & nourish.

And I'd never see anything blossom and bloom.

Sweet Lucid Dream my friend.

yOUR reflection, yOUR extension, yOUR para//el incarnation...

Another Point of You : I AM.

9:15 PM  
Blogger Simple Irony said...

Wow, thank you! I can tell you like the same books I do, specifically A New Earth. Relating to the ego talk... Hey, have you ever read The Sedona Method?

11:06 PM  
Blogger God I Am said...

Namaste, I enjoyed this blog thank you. The ego is our greatest ally, love and courtesy is required to benefit from it's great wisdom. As teacher the ego is our one true vehicle for enlightenment.

4:38 PM  

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