Tough choices we have to make with every waking hour. At least for me, it's a daily struggle. I recently picked up another book in attempt to get back on track. Its been months since I've been inspired to do anything, let alone read. The more I read and find out about myself, spirit and ego, the more I learn some really interesting things. Actually, I'm not sure if it's interesting or devestating. Let me explain.
Ego is the side of me that wants money, fame, material things. Not that any of these things are bad, it's just that when I'm seeking these things I think of nothing else. Spirit side is the part that desires to read fulfilling things, and seek a higher level of understanding. That's where the conflict comes in. I almost feel as though I may lose something if I get rid of the ego side. I know deep within that living this spiritual path is what I want. But then it dawns on me, that a very big part of me likes what the ego has to offer. Quite frustrating when you think about it. Smoking is the perfect example. I don't exactly like it. It makes me feel like shit. But then the ego jumps in and tells me that I do enjoy it. What will I do when I'm drinking my coffee? Coffee without a smoke? That's just insane. Spirit says quite worrying about myself and seek to help others. Then the ego stomps on that and tells me how much "I" want things. I want this, I need that. What will I do? Blah blah blah. I hate it. I feel like the very few friends that I do have will cease to exist once I step on to that spiritual path. Which may be true, but the univerese has a way of providing what we need if we are doing right by others. Quite frustrating indeed.
I try to rationalize and find a middle ground. But there just isn't one. There is no gray area between Ego and Spirit. Dark and light. Nothing else can exist. The time is coming real soon where I must make a choice. Either live a selfish, self-involved life. Or get out of the way, do things for others, and live that path. I know which I want to choose, deep down inside. The question is, however, wiil I? Change is a scary thing. I'm not sure anyone likes it when they don't know the exact outcome. I guess that's where faith in Spirit must come in. Spirit and inspiration must guide me when I can't see through that darkness.
Today, right now, I am choosing to live that path. Let go of the self-driven Ego and take in and embrace my spirit, our spirit, the spirit of the one entity we all truly exist in. Living on an altruistic plane of existence is what I like to call it. I feel I'll be here more often writing about these things. Sharing it with any lonely soul seeking these words. If you need it, you've probably stumbled into it. And not by accident. Things come to us when were ready for them. The only thing left to wonder is will we be in that right place at that right time, aware enough to see the oportunity when it presents itself? I don't want to die wondering what could have been. Or what I may have done if. It's not going to happen. I'm choosing to dwell in this altrustic plane of existence. I'm willing to risk anything to regain some sanity as well as spiritual enlightenment. Today my Spirit is giving me no choice. Where do you stand? Are you seeking this too? I'm not going to die trying, but live doing. I'm done. Thankyou all so very much for your time, and if you're reading this, your willingness to let these words possibly be of some service to you.